Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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