If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize