Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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