i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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