all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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