I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
