he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
