In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
