5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
