are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize