Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
