R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
