wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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