He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize