We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
