I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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