this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
