If that was your dad, he is hot
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
