I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My nipple is on Facebook.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
