Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
