as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This is my gift to your gina
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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