I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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