We got so high we made milksteak
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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