K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
