God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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