my mouth tastes like poor choices
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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