I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
