So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
this is an emotional support booty call
Who died my cat blue again?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
