Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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