I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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