At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
