he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
