Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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