You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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