maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize