I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
