he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
