Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
