I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize