like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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