My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
