I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
