I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
