Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
