dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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