I CAN MOONWALK!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
