return my video game
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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