you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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