My room smells like vodka and shame
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he shaved USA in his pubs
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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