I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize