i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
