Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
