I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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