Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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