I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize