Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm like, not good at living.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
