The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
