You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
