Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
