My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
being pregnant is like rehab
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
