I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
