He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
