Your face is a jimmy john
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
