How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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