Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
