Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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