WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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