Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
is that a dick in a sweater?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize