This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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