Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
