I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
