i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize