Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Operation Purity has been aborted
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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