I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
