I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You made out with two different species that night
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
