All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
