nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
