At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
