are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
