I got her a Nickelback box set.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My vagina just recognized that song.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
