matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
