You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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