you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
