you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
