i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
