also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
