Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
