I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
