he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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