I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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