She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
