im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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