I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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