the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
