$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
