Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
