Kareoke will never be a sober sport
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
