Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
