wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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