Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
